This is our collection of the best jokes about Welsh rugby.
We’ve got jokes and funny stories about the regions, the Millenium Stadium, and the Welsh team. Oh, and we have a few friendly quips at the expense of our rivals!
Great Jokes About The Welsh Rugby Team
Dan Carter was asked by a journalist about what inspired him to play so well. The All Black had a simple reply.
“I was dispatched by the God of Rugby to teach everyone on Earth how the game should be played.”
The journalist got on the phone with Barry John and asked for his view.
There was a short pause on the line before the Welshman spoke.
“No, I don’t remember sending him.”
Overheard On The Way To The Match
I overheard a man on the phone, talking with his friend. He had two tickets for the Wales match against England.
But he hadn’t realized when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding, so of course, he couldn’t go.
“That’s right, Dai”, I heard him say. “The church is in Betwys-y-Coed and the bride’s name is Bethan. You could make it if you go now!”
Wise Words From The Coach
Wayne Pivac had a quiet word with one of his Welsh players after a poor run of matches.
“Listen, I know what the problem is. Your performance always dips at the same point in every match.”
The player was relieved that the coach had figured it out. “When is it?”, he asked eagerly.
Pivac shook his head sadly. “Right after the supporters finish singing Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau.”
Do you support Cardiff? The Scarlets? The Dragons? These jokes could apply to any of them!
When the overseas star is a disappointment
I overhead two players talking about their club.
Dai: Our expensive new overseas signing isn’t doing well, but I still call him our wonder player.
Gavin: Why’s that?
Dai: Every time he plays, I wonder why we signed him.
When the coach is a disappointment
The coach was walking out of St David’s shopping centre and heading for his car. He noticed that a little old lady was struggling with her shopping bags.
He stopped and said, “can you manage, my dear?”
The little old lady waved him away. “I’m not going to sort out the mess you got the team into!”
When the team is a disappointment
Three fans were discussing the sorry state of their team.
Dylan said, “I blame the manager, he’s got the wrong tactics.”
Gruffydd said, “I blame the players, they’re not trying hard enough.”
Rhys said “I blame my parents. If I’d been born somewhere else, I might be supporting a decent team.”
This one stings a bit
Q: What have the Welsh regions and a three-pin plug got in common?
A: They are no good in Europe.
Quick Welsh Rugby Jokes
Of all rugby players, I admire second rows like Alun Wyn Jones and Robert Norster the most. They really are people to look up to.
When you’ve seen one of those times that the Welsh players bunch together, then you’ve seen a maul.
Gavin Henson says he likes to watch rugby matches at the hairdressers. The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.
Now for some quick Q and As:
Q: What’s the difference between the Prince of Wales and a rugby ball at a line-out?
A: One is the heir to the throne. The other is thrown into the air.
Q: What has 30 legs and goes crunch, crunch, crunch?
A: A Welsh rugby team eating Walker’s crisps.
Q: How do you stop squirrels from playing rugby in Bute Park?
A: All you have to do is hide the ball. It drives them nuts!
Q: What did the ball say to Dan Biggar?
A: I get a kick out of you.
Quick Jokes About The Millenium Stadium
I went to a match in the Millenium Stadium recently, and it was freezing. Must have been all the fans.
The next week, I was watching the match on TV. I spotted Bryn in one of the best seats in the stadium. So, I called him up and asked him how he got a ticket.
“From my brother”, he says. “Where is he?” I ask. “At home, looking for his ticket.”
Q: What did Wayne Pivac do when the pitch at the Millenium Stadium flooded?
A: He sent on his subs.
Q: What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves?
A: The sideline.
The American and the taxi driver
A taxi driver was taking an American tourist from Bristol to Cardiff.
When they passed over the Second Severn Crossing, the American remarked that he had a longer bridge on his ranch in Texas.
When they arrived in Cardiff, the driver pointed out Cardiff Castle. The Texan remarked that his garage was bigger and only took a week to build.
“What’s that?” asked the passenger, pointing at the Millenium Stadium. He sounded impressed for the first time.
The driver shrugged. “I don’t know, pal. It wasn’t there this morning.”
Our Best Welsh Joke About Irish Rugby
Steffan from Llanrwst was wandering around Dublin after the match, looking for his hotel.
He tripped over a little man and realized to his shock that he’d caught a leprechaun.
The leprechaun agreed to grant him one wish.
Steffan said, “I want to live forever.”
The leprechaun shook his head. “Sorry, bud, we’re not allowed to give that one anymore.”
Steffan paused for a moment. “I want to die when Ireland wins the World Cup.”
“You crafty bugger”, says the leprechaun.
Our Best Welsh Joke About English Rugby
Tomos was a Welsh supporter who lived a long life before he met his end.
As he walked up to the pearly gates, St Peter stops him and asks his name.
‘Tomos Williams’ is the response. St Peter shakes his head sadly as he looks in his book.
“You spent most of your money on beer and the rest of it on women. It’s back down the stairs for you.”
So, Tomos trudges down the steps and finds a pair of double doors at the bottom. As he walks through, he is momentarily blinded by a bright shining light.
When he gest his bearings, he is overcome with joy. He is in the Millenium Stadium surrounded by thousands of other Welsh supporters in red jerseys.
There is a giant TV screen at the other end of the stadium. It shows the words “Next repeat performance starts in four minutes.”
Tomos collapses into the nearest seat with joyous tears streaming down his face.
The Welshman next to him nudges his arm.
“I’ve bad news for you, Tomos. We are in Hell and it’s for all eternity.
But the worse news is they’ve only got one DVD and it’s England winning the 2003 Rugby World Cup.”
Our Best Welsh Joke About Scottish Rugby
Snow White was skipping through the forest to return to the little house that she shared with the seven dwarfs.
She saw smoke in the distance and broke into a run. But when she reached her home, it was burnt to cinders.
She was frantically searching the woods for her little friends when she heard a lone voice chirruping a happy song.
“Scotland will win the World Cup, Scotland will win the World Cup”.
Snow White sank to her knees in relief. At least Dopey was safe.
When Josh Adams arrived late for club training, the coach marched up to him with an angry face:
The coach said, “just because you played so well for Wales last week, it doesn’t mean you can skip morning training with us.”
But the player figured he’d done nothing wrong.
“Warren Gatland called me yesterday and said I’d been picked for the lie-ins.”
Remember the 2015 World Cup? This was the quip doing the rounds at the end of the pool stage.
An Englishman walks into a bar…There’s usually a Scotsman, Irishman, and Welshman too, but they’re still at the Rugby World Cup.
We have a collection of rugby jokes for kids that are all age-appropriate. Some are very silly, but they’ll still make you laugh.
We also have a collection of the funniest quotes in rugby. These are hilarious statements from famous coaches and players around the world.